Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Why I watch awards shows, part two! The baaaaad

Sarah Silverman in. . . something.
The much over used but entirely accurate phrase "hot mess" comes to mind. It's wrinkled. It's shaped so weirdly. It makes her look huge when she is not. I know she's a jeans and Chuck Taylors kind of girl, but come on. Put on a YSL tuxedo instead. If this was supposed to be funny, it was not funny.

Tina Fey in Gucci.
Yawn. I love black. I wear black all the time all year round. So does Tina Fey. However, I am not a multiple award winning comic genius at the Emmys. Too smart girl librarian, and the fit at the top was wonky. Let the tiger out, Tina. We know there's a jungle cat in there.

Leighton Meester in Bottega Veneta.
I don't get the white knotted doohickies on the shoulders. Good if your sinuses are dripping maybe. Plus, the girl is what, twenty? Wear a dress designed for a twenty-year-old. This is more a dress for Merryl Streep.

Padma Lakshmi in Badgley Mischka.
Try to say that three times fast. She is one of the most beautiful women on Earth, and this dress is just awful. Those red flowers look like tumors, and remind me of the cancer dress that the lawyer chick on Season One of Project Runway made for the Envy challenge.

Hayden Panettiere in J. Mendel.
She is a gorgeous young lady, and this is a pretty dress. However, the minute she stepped into this dress and was styled, she aged about twenty years. Does she look 23? Hayden, honey, call Siriano. He understands.

Christina Applegate in Basil Soda.
Lordy, girl, that's a lot of dress. Great color, but there are at least ten too many things going on here. Way too much frou frou look. She has a great body, but this dress certainly doesn't show that.

Jennifer Love Hewitt in Max Azria.
Doesn't she look like a slice of lemon chiffon pie that's about to go to the junior prom? A touch too precious for my taste. If we could somehow combine this dress with Tina Fey's, we might be on to something!

Debra Messing in Michael Kors.
The dress is simple and pretty, but I am not a big fan of Messing. She always looks brittle and overly made up to me. Now, I love some black eyeliner, don't get me wrong, but hers is just a bit too much. Plus, when your dress matches the carpet, you look like a disembodied head. Not cute.
I find myself missing the wackiness of Paula Abdul, don't you? She might have worn a Cinderella dress with Mousketeer ears. So much of what people wore this year wasn't good or bad, but just sort of bleh. Wake up! This is fashion! Your job is to entertain us, and to make us wish we had these clothes and jewels and shoes, plus a swanky place to wear them. Do not disappoint, or I'll just throw DVD's in and ignore your award shows. Already, I hardly watch any of the shows you were nominated for anyway. Don't make me give up all together.


  1. Hahaha love it when famous look ghastly ! Wow that blue mess Sarah Siverman's in looks like a hot air balloon.

  2. LOL Do these ladies own a mirror? Seriously, Christina Applegate looks awful! Not that the others are any better I guess I just expected her to NOT look awful. Also, what's with the old lady dresses this year?

  3. Oh my god! Ha ha! Cracking up over this! You could easily join that group in US Mag that does those funny one-line commentaries on failed fashions! Better yet, give that Perez Hilton the boot. Seriously Miss MAB, you need to start your own website. The disembodied head thing is so freakin' funny. Off to quote you in a tweet my friend...

  4. Thanks, Lost! Glad I sent a chuckle your way. Seriously, the best word I can think of for Debra Messing is "brittle."