Look, I know this is an important election, but these nasty, scummy, mean hearted political commercials are starting to get on my last nerve.
May I present the script for my own political commercial, when I run for the imaginary Jewelry Senate? And I run against BAM Jewelry? Thanks for humoring me.
"BAM Jewelry has been in office for the past four years. BAM promised to bring lucrative Ohio jewelry and jewelry-making jobs and income to unemployed and unbedecked jewelry wearers and creators in Ohio.
Did that happen?
BAM outsourced all of those jobs to China and Canada and possibly Guam.
BAM sacrificed cute baby llamas in their corporate boardroom on a daily basis.
BAM has loose morals, questionable hygiene, and bad taste in shoes.
BAM doesn't like tater tots and wants to steal your bacon.
BAM doesn't even WEAR jewelry.
BAM is a lying scuzzball and possibly a witch and/or demon.
BAM slept with Tiger Woods.
BAM listens to Justin Bieber and doesn't believe in fairies.
Another four years of BAM? Can that be good for Ohio?
I don't think so.
Vote MAB. She's groovy. I would say what she's going to do for you, but you don't really need to know that, right?
MAB for Jewelry Senate.