Monday, November 29, 2010

Martha Stewart's December calendar

Every December, I buy the holiday issue of Martha Stewart Living, just to torture myself with what a non-cooking underachiever I really am. In the front of every issue of this magazine, Martha prints her monthly calendar, I guess to remind her readers of important tasks that need to be accomplished during the upcoming month. I will now list Martha's tasks, along with my corresponding tasks for the same dates.
December 2, for Martha: Schedule a piano tuning
December 2, for MAB: Clean cat yak off the carpet
December 5, for Martha: Collect long-lasting berries, and use for decorating wreaths
December 5, for MAB: Chuckle one more time at the shiny tinsel snowman from The Dollar Tree hanging on my front door because he has hologram cheeks and looks demented
December 7, for Martha: Make a new tree skirt for this year's tree
December 7, for MAB: Tighten piece of twine bolting tree to hook in the wall so the kittens don't knock it over and play wargames in it while I'm sleeping
December 13, for Martha: Prepare batches of cookie dough, and freeze them
December 13, for MAB: Order tortes from Figi's
December 14, for Martha: Buy fresh fruit for holiday displays
December 14, for MAB: Dust plastic glitter fruit in displays
December 17, for Martha: Dormant-prune the pin oak allee
December 17, for MAB: Dexter rewatch marathon
December 20, for Martha: Sharpen kitchen knives
December 20, for MAB: Thin Man movie marathon
December 22, for Martha: Buy fresh mistletoe
December 22, for MAB: Take Christmas goodies to the nice people at the post office who help me all year long
December 24, for Martha: Make pate a choux puffs for tomorrow's croquembouche
December 24, for MAB: Christmas Eve dinner at Mom's, grilled cheese, yay!
December 25, for Martha: Assmble croquembouche
December 25, for MAB: Christmas with the family, presents, fun, happiness
December 26, for Martha: Launder linens, and write thank-you notes
December 26, for MAB: Try to figure out where the heck to put all this new stuff
December 28, for Martha: Pick spinach and lettuce from the greenhouse for salads
December 28, for MAB: Burn a perfectly good can of Progresso minestrone soup
December 30, for Martha: Order seeds for next year's cutting and vegetable gardens
December 30, for MAB: Order cosmetics from Sephora and probably more beads
December 31, for Martha: Make a list of resolutions
December 31, for MAB: The heck with resolutions! Let's live it up in 2011!