The Blythe doll was originally born in 1972, with her large, otherwordly eyes and oversized round head. Although she was grooving with the Seventies "Big Eyed Kid" fad, Blythe was not popular and was only manufactured for a year. Then, in 2000, a vintage Blythe doll was used for an ad campaign. People went crazy over her, especially in Japan, and the doll was reintroduced in 2001. Begin modern day Blythemania, and the sinister Blythe saturation of our culture.
I am absolutely terrified of Blythe. Look at those knowing eyes, that unearthly stare. Blythe knows things we don't know. I don't want toys to be smarter than I am. I want Barbie, with her pink Corvette and her plastic high heels. I can beat Barbie at Scrabble. Blythe will wait until I'm sleeping and mark all the tiles somehow. Blythe looks like she might be good with fire arms. Blythe would go all Texas Chainsaw Massacre, if given a miniature power tool. Blythe doesn't want to be an astronaut or a nurse. Blythe wants to eat your soul.
Sure, you think I'm overreacting in typical MAB style. "Settle down. It's just a doll, for pity's sake," You say. But look at them all lined up there, staring you down. It's like Village of the Damned in kiddie couture. That one with the seafoam green hair has homicide on her mind, I tell you. They're communicating telepathically, and they will soon take over the world. We will be their pawns, knitting them colorful tams and tying their tiny mock Doc Martins. Our only hope? Blowtorches, and lots of them.