Yes, I'm a bit late with last week's Runway rundown. The Emmys threw me off course, but that's all right, because last week's episode was one of the best episodes ever! Was it because the designtestants made glorious garments of pure yum? No! It was because they had a group challenge, and everyone lost their damn minds and made wretched, painful clothing! Gretchen (above), staunchy believing in her own genius and invincibility, led her group of kool-aid drinkers straight off the edge of camel-colored ugliness, and then proceeded to have an overly-verbal, majorly self-serving meltdown on the runway that was pure delight! If you have not seen the episode, even if you don't watch the show, please go to the Lifetime Network site, take a look, and spend some time in Crazytown. I was dying. She changed personalities at least six times during the Q&A on the runway. Gretchen, of course, did not go home, but she certainly did look like a doody head. And Tim chastised the group! Tim lost his temper! Tim called them losers with a capital L! Ahhhhh, good times. Tim is so hot when he's snippy and crosses his arms over his chest. How I love this show.
Oh, yeah, there were clothes, sorry. Here is your winning look, from the Puerto Rican diva queen himself, Casanova. Mr. Nova had his own diva breakdown, and threw himself weeping onto the lunchroom sofa, bemoaning the fact that he was making clothes for senior citizens and pole dancers. Bless him. This little black lace top is very sweet, and white pants frighten me as a rule, but these are nicely cut. It's a lovely little look. The winning team's trend was military, and its textile was lace. I think. No, I'm sure about the lace thing, but I'm not sure about. . . ah, who cares? They had to pick a trend and a textile, but does it really matter? There's nothing at all military here. This blouse is lovely, and Casanova makes me laugh. Well done.
And here is your losing garment from AJ. Um. . . ugh, right? The losing team, self-named "Team Luxe," chose Menswear for Women as their trend, and camel as their textile. Technically, camel is a color, sometimes a desert animal, but I don't think it's ever been a textile. Again, who cares? Camel is yawn. This team was made up of everyone who ever won a challenge, and they were full of bravado and proceeded to walk a parade of boring, badly proportioned crap down the runway. This may not have been the worst of the crap, but I knew AJ was going down like Chinatown. The fabric is bad, the ascot is bad, the leggings are bad, the belt is bad. The whole thing looks like the cheapest shirt dress ever constructed, and it needs a strong, continuous blast of Static Guard. It's part stewardess, and part suckatron. Poor AJ. He wore extra eyeliner to his own beheading.
Maybe this week the designtestants will be armed! Oooooo!