Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Why I watch award shows, the bad

In completely unrelated to awards show news, what the heck is going on with Charlie Sheen? "I'm on a drug called Charlie Sheen. It would be lethal to anyone else!"
Okay, then.
Onto dresses.
Jennifer Hudson in Versace
She looks lovely, this dress is great on her skin and I love her. So why is she in the bad category? Cleavage issues. This dress is bad bad bad for her boobs. I saw at least two clips where she had to reach INTO the dress and reposition her tatas. That makes it a bad dress. Trust me!

Gwenyth Paltrow in Calvin Klein
A lot of people liked this look. She is so flat and her hair is so straight. The dress is linear, with the rectangular cut out. It's like a foil shower curtain. Blah.

Mila Kunis in Elie Saab
A lot of people liked this as well. The color is fresh, the dress is feminine, with some interest built in with the sheer layers, and the shoes are nice. Those peek-a-boo lace things on her boobs remind me of the decals you can put on your bathroom window to make it opaque. Or possibly bathtub stickies.
I seem to be having a cleavage fixation thus far, huh?

Marisa Tomei in vintage Charles James
It doesn't fit. The sweetheart top comes up too high. The color is too heavy, when paired with that asymmetrical poof. The way she's standing, it looks like this dress is actually causing her pain. I love vintage, especially fifties vintage. This one, not so much.

Scarlett Johansson in Dolce and Gabanna
Oh, Scarlett. You are so gorgeous. This lace looks like bad mobile home curtains. The two tone effect is very home dyed. And what happened to your hair? No.

Florence Welch in Valentino
Holly Hobby hits the henna.
Or. . .
I see dead redheads.
Amy Adams in L'Wren Scott
Cap sleeves gone bad! Again, heavy, too enclosed around her neck. The necklace is gorgeous--it's a carved emerald from Cartier. If we could take the scissors to the top half of this gown, cut out some space for skin, and lose those sleeves, we might just have something. It's kind of like a long, bedazzled mock turtleneck. And not in a good way.

Sharon Stone in Dior
Please see the photo below.

Sharon went to the Oscars as Patsy from AbFab! She should have worn Lacroix, darling.
Sweetie darling.

Nicole Kidman in Dior, with Keith Urban
Oh, bloody hell. It's an altar cloth origami dress with unfinished hair and an Aussie metrosexual husband with gratuitous highlights.
Did that sound bitchy?

Melissa Leo in Marc Bower
I love this woman, and congratulations to her for winning that supporting actress Oscar and being so genuine and human.
The dress is Evil Knievel tats lace while crashing through the Golden Arches.


  1. My boyfriend and I were watching the red carpet before the show and Mila Kunis was being interviewed. I commented that I like her and he said she would be cute if she didn't have the tattoos on her breasts! He actually though the lace was tats!

    When I saw Scarlett's hair I thought OMG...the critics are going to have a field day! I love her but that 'do was sad.

    I always love reading your thoughts! ~Val

  2. You are always so highly entertaining! LOL about poor Sharon Stone!

  3. OMG! My hubby thought those were tats too!

  4. Oh How funny. Patsy goes to the Oscar's :)

    I kinda liked Nicole's dress :)

    So, what's up with Charlie Sheen. When he sobers up and sees this interview, OMG, he will most probably relapse straight away, totally embarassing and people had their claws out for Denise but if this is what she had to put up with????

    Thanks so much for the B.Day wishes, that was very sweet. I had a lovely day, cheers, T :)

  5. I love me some Mab!!!!
    OMG WTF Charlie Sheen???

  6. I always love your commentary about the award show dresses!! Great post.