TV! Project Runway

Okay, I've been putting this off for days, because I have never been so upset by a television show in my life. Gretchen won Project Runway. With brown handknit granny panties and slimy looking green leather. The argument was that her clothes are more sellable. Not more innovative. Not more creative. Not more interesting. Sellable. Like Kohl's misses department. In a sad sad town on the border of Despairville.

I could go on and on and on for paragraphs and paragraphs about the reasons for my disappointment. No point. Here's what it boils down to for me. After the show was over, I tried to remember each designer's collection. I could remember four of Andy's. I could remember every single one of Mondo's, each look. The only look of Gretchen's that I could remember was the blazer/granny panty/pimp hat look that we'd seen in the preview the week before. If I can't remember it, I don't want to wear it, and I sure as all heck do not want to pay designer prices for it. Or sale prices. Or ninety day deferred billing on QVC.

In keeping with the spirit of happy denial, let's look at Mondo's clothes. They make me smile.

You know why this works? The pairing of the different patterns. Plus, these are separates that you could actually wear in the real world. And that bag! WANT! And those shoes!

This look echoes the look before it cohesively. The shorts are rich and unexpected. You can't see the design on the shoulders of the blouse, but it's amazing!

Oh, my fab sugar skull tee from heaven. How I love you! You can buy a simplified version of this tee from Mondo's Etsy shop here. I'm still holding out for a version of the bag from the first look, though. The leggings are groovy.

This was his eleventh look from the week before, and the skirt is divine. He needed this pop of turquoise in the collection, and the pattern on the shirt cuffs is fab. And the shoes!

How sweet is this? This bubble dress in this print is fresh and young and exciting, especially paired with these tights. Love the yellow pop on the shoes, too, with the little pink belt.

This is one of his weaker looks in terms of design. It's a tank with a pair of shorts, but still cohesive and happy.

Seriously, who else could make plaid pants this hip? The pattern is exactly matched, and the model's legs look thirty feet long. Another fantastic tee! And that little jacket is yummy. You can take this look apart, and wear all of these pieces on their own, mixed in with things you already have. It's versatile, lively and beautifully made.

Okay, I have to admit that I don't dig this skirt. I get that it ties into the metallic shorts in look two, while the polka dot top echoes the final gown. The skirt fits badly, though, especially from a side view. Also, I'm not crazy about his necklace choices in some of these looks. That top is sweet, though.

See, I am objective.

LOVE! SERIOUSLY! YUM!

(not so objective)

And the gown that most likely cost him the show. Kors and Nina told Mondo in the preview the week before to change this dress and tone down his styling. Mondo loved this dress and his styling. He didn't change a thing.

This dress is wonderful, and I will likely remember it twenty years from now. Why? It has great visual impact and it's full of joy.

So, in my alternate universe, where things are as they ought to be, Mondo won.

Don't even get me started on politics this morning. . .

TV! Project Runway

This was the show before the finale, and, once again, the judges narrowed it to four fighting for three spots. So, we got the home visits, and the photo above shows Tim Gunn visiting Andy's catfish farm, screaming like a girl over a fish. It was also my favorite moment of the show, possibly the season. Tim Gunn, you sexy beast, you.

Anyway, the designtestants had to whip up one last minute look, and show two additional looks from their line. I'm going to show them ranked by how much I liked them, because this is my blog, and I can do whatever the heck I want.

1. Guess who? Yep, it's Mondo. This is a polka dotted evening gown. His inspiration is Latino culture, including Day of the Dead and circus inspirations. His clothes are so fresh, graphic and youthful, and you can see that he has fun creating them. There was a pink sugar skull handbag in this mini-collection that I wanted to reach through the TV screen and snatch. The man knows how to style, too, and deliver a total look. Seriously, if Mondo somehow doesn't win this season, Project Runway is hopelessly broken, and deserves to be deserted by all of us.

2. Andy. I'm basically giving Andy second place by default, and because he tried to get Tim Gunn to pet a catfish. This pleated green dress was the design he created at the last minute, and it really was the best thing he showed in his mini-collection. Also, not to spoil anything, but there are allegations buzzing around that he may have exactly copied designs from a Japanese pattern book for his final collection. Not cool. Still, I like this dress, the pleating his lovely, but overall he has some fit issues, and seems to be stuck on the shiny, tight and short thing a little too much.

3. Michael. This was also Michael's last minute design, and it moved beautifully on the runway. His three looks were a little overdesigned, in the Dynasty realm, and didn't break any fashion ground, really. At least they were interesting to look at and looked expensive. Michael was eliminated, and proceeded to have an absolute emotional meltdown on the runway. I felt terrible for the guy, even though a lot of other people thought he was (a) showing unprofessional weakness or (b) outright faking to get more camera time. His reaction made me emotional because it seemed like he had based his entire future success on being one of the final three. I'm a pushover. What can I say.

4. Gretchen. Okay, I have to confess something here, for the other three designers I picked my favorite looks. For Gretchen, I picked. . . this. I didn't like anything she showed, and found the other two designs blah, brown and rumpled. This look, however. . . yowzah! Where exactly am I wearing a rigid leather blazer over dyed Depends with a pimp hat? Golden Corral on Sunday morning? The judges criticized her for designing crunchy granola clothes, but this is just madness right here. No boho vegan hipster would wear this, would they? Who would wear this? And where? Who? What? Where? Why? AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

So, here is the MAB breakdown: Mondo has to win. There are rumors that he may not. If he doesn't, something terrible has happened to Project Runway. If he doesn't, I may go to the Lifetime corporate office and demand answers and a recount. Also, along with the final runway show this week, we get a reunion. Many of these people hate each other's guts, yay!

I have never seen so much drama from such middle of the road designers as we had this season. If they were all geniuses (like Mondo) and produced looks as fiery as their personalities, that would make for a great show. Instead. . . bah.

TV! Project Runway

Poor designtestants. They're always completely exhausted and out of gas when they hit this final challenge, and who can blame them? As a result, we usually end up with bizarrely uninspired clothing. The final challenge was to take inspiration from something in New York, and design a garment based on that inspiration. Although they didn't name a specific winner, Michael was definitely the judges' favorite for his. . . umm. . . gown here, based on The Statue of Liberty. Again, I have nothing against Michael, and he's certainly fed the spittoon of drama this season, but this gown is so unoriginal and there doesn't seem to be much design to it. Actually, it reminds me of a dress that Ginger used to wear on Gilligan's Island. It moved beautifully onstage, even if the slit was bordering on obscene. I just don't see it as all that praiseworthy.

The thing is, and I hate to be a conspiracy theorist, I think the producers know exactly who they want in the finals from about the third episode. We knew Mondo had a spot, because he's brilliantly creative and is consistently able to translate that creativity into gorgeous, well made clothing. We knew that Gretchen had a spot, because she started out strong so the judges love her, and she makes for great wacky reality television. Her design this week was a complete miss, inspired by bricks in New York, but it didn't really matter. Her spot was safe. That leaves us with Andy, Michael and April. They loved Michael's Ginger gown, Andy did a good job this week, so we lost April. Like Mondo, April has a very specific point of view--this dark, layered look with asymmetry and cutouts--that the judges have loved up until now. Their love ran out, though, and April went home. Very sad. But she's 21, and I'm sure she has a great career in front of her.

Once again, once again, once again--the final three are in fact the final four, and there will be some sort of design off this week to eliminate one more designer. I'm sure some of the designtestants will do a better job than others when left to their own devices. Sometimes, the most successful designers in terms of the challenges absolutely choke when designing on their own. Remember Michael Knight from Season Three?

My money and hope are still on Mondo for the win. Why? Because I love him and what he creates a little bit more with every episode. I can't wait to see Tim visit his home.

TV! Project Runway

First off, let me apologize for my sporadic posting lately. It seems like there are three thousand things going on all the time, and I never get here to blogspot. Boo.

Second off, can I ask a question? Do people start out crazy? Or do they go all psycho once the TV cameras hit them? Remember when the Brady kids went on a game show, and Jan froze every time the camera was on her? This week, we had a similar situation on Runway. The camera caused people to go insane.

Thirdly, this challenge was uber lame. Heidi Klum has an active wear line! It's high priced t-shirts and leggings for the active, despicably rich mama on the go! It's yoga clothing for the country club! It's gray and boxy and drab and blah.

Our exhausted designtestants had to design three looks each, using Heidi's existing fabrics, to fit into Heidi's line. Heidi came into the work room. Mondo got bitchy. Gretchen got bitchy. Eyes were rolled. Fabric was thrown. Heidi got that hard little face on that reminds me of the heartless predator faces of robins right before they cock their heads and pluck a worm out of the earth and chomp it.

Eliminated designers came back! Ivy accused Michael C. of cheating, sabotaging, and firing the shot at Archduke Ferdinand that started World War I. He may have also been on the grassy knoll in Dallas in 1963. Ivy looked like a bitter, angry little psychotic seamstress. Weird. Everyone got weird. Michael C. was more or less vindicated. Ugly clothes were made. Bah.

Above are your winning looks from Andy. It's all very Flashdance. Is this fashion?

And the most adorable Christopher went home. He seems like such a sweetheart, but it was his time. His garments look like Flashdance in need of Zoloft.
I want to see beautiful, colorful, astonishing garments! Yes, drama is fun, but I also want to be wowed. I want my socks knocked off. Not gym clothes. Not pajamas. Not sweatshirts.
Make it happen, Project Runway people!

TV! Project Runway

Yes, Lifetime and the producers flim-flammed us by showing us multiple previews promising shocking cheating allegations. We got no cheating. However, what we did get was the charisma, creativity and honesty of Mondo. This was the "create your own print" challenge that they did last year, and a lot of the designtestants had a lot of issues. Plus, for the first time ever, the designers' families came in for a visit, prompting tears and derailing. I'll admit, I got a little teary over the reunions, but not nearly as teary as I got over Mondo's story behind his print. There's something terribly wrong with a society that judges you based on who you're attracted to, isn't there? I have never understood it. Mondo's print with the plus sign design alludes to the fact that he has been HIV positive for ten years. He's kept this a secret, and no one in his family knew. It's amazing that medical science has progressed to the point where the symptoms of this disease can be checked and he can be healthy. Thank heavens for that. And it's amazing that he would have to keep this, and his sexuality, a secret from those who love him. I didn't think it was possible for me to love Mondo more, just like I never expected Project Runway to make me cry like I did. His design, and his strength of character, from this episode pretty much cement his inclusion in the final three, and deservedly so. And kudos to my friend Gini who picked him from the start.

After all of my glowing praise, I kind of hate to show you the losing garment from Valerie. It was a muddy, sort of sad, indistinct print, made into an almost exact replica of the napkin dress she designed earlier this season for the party shop merchandise challenge. Valerie is one of those contestants who seems to start out strong and then just gets worn down and worn out by the competition. I would be exactly the same way, except I would probably also be smacking people on my way out the door. Valerie is an interesting designer, but the show just snuffed out her candle. Good luck, super cute Cleveland chick.

Now. . . this week. . . we get cheating, right? Evil cheating, and Tim saying, "You won't be allowed to return to the show." You promised, Lifetime.

TV! Project Runway

On last week's Project Runway, our designtestants had to make. . . something for some reason. . . Wait! They had to make a sort of avant garde garment based on a type of L'Oreal HIP eyeshadow for an "advertorial."

One moment whilst I rant about something totally unrelated. Words like "webinar" and "advertorial" cause me to lose my grammatical temper and break out in hives. Sure, I'm okay with "brunch" being a breakfast/lunch hybrid. But "advertorial"? No. No no and no. It's an ad. With ad copy. Trying to sell something. There's not really any torial to it. And if it's an avant garde outfit, would that make it an avantadvertorial?

So, Mondo won for the dress above, and it's pretty. . . Oh, wait again. There was a twist to the eyeshadowvertorial challenge. They had to make a ready to wear garment to go with the avant garde item. And they had to make it out of live sparrows, barbed wire and chewing gum. Okay, I made up that last part there.

Which again makes me think that they want these poor designers to churn out ugliness. This was the first challenge all season, I think, where they were given two days to accomplish something, and making a convincing avant garde outfit takes a bit of time, right? To then come in and add an additional look, made out of birds, fencing and gum at that, without giving them more time is just asking for disaster. And if you want disaster, look at this losing dress by Ivy. Ivy has to be one of the most unpleasant contestants ever on Project Runway. Her voice made me twitchy, and her superior attitude was most loathesome. However, I sympathize with all of them at this point, even if Ivy didn't use a single sparrow. She's been on borrowed time since the group challenge, when she made that sucky ensemble with the great grandma vest. I'm sure she'll be a big load of fun on the reunion show though.

In the previews for this week, someone is cheating?! Cheating I say. Good heavens, I hope it's Gretchen-Gretched. Did you see her dress last week? It's what Stevie Nicks will wear in the old person's home, when they go on a field trip to the Ren Faire.

Adventorial--an editorial about Advent! Bah!

TV! Project Runway

Last week was probably the singular most confusing challenge of all time on Project Runway. Seriously, guys, you have no idea! I read some gossip online, and apparently the challenge changed three times from start to finish. It was originally an outfit that Katie Holmes (kidnap victim, er, wife of Tom Cruise) would wear while portraying Jackie Kennedy in some program on the History Channel. That deal fell through, so they were going to transform the garments into ballroom dancing oufits? No, seriously. Then, it turned into American sportswear either inspired by Jackie or that Jackie might wear today or that Jackie might steal from Bergdorfs, if she were for some reason transported into present day time as a crazed shoplifter. Then they added an outerwear design twist.

Here is another reason why I can't be on this show, in addition to the fact that I can't design clothing or sew, except to put on a button. Okay, my buttons turn out kind of wonky, and I once stapled a shirt sleeve together when the hem fell out. Disorganization makes me crazy, especially in high pressure situations. It would not be a good time for MAB to have pointy scissors.

Anyway, here is your much deserved winning garment, from Mondo. Mondo Mondo Mondo. His name is so fun to say. Everyone's design pretty much looked like crap, honestly, and this was the only one that was as polished and crisp as Jackie always looked. I love the contrast of the stripes with the oversized houndstooth, and his little tailored jacket had a purple lining and was so divine.

And here is your loser, from Michael D. It's a hip-broadening skirt, with two layers of shapeless tank tops. With the addition of a strange houndstooth sort of Chanel-esque jacket that just didn't work. Oh, Michael, I will miss you and your weird voice and your interesting creations.

This week, our designtestants will design swimwear for rhinos. No, wait, for penguins. No, wait, for Courtney Love.

TV! Project Runway!

Ah, dear readers, last week's Project Runway was a tale of personalities. A bipoloar episode, for many reasons. The challenge was kind of ingenious--your resort wear design will be executed by a fellow designtestant. This is how fashion works in the real world, similar to how I sketch jewelry designs, but the cats actually do the work. Once Mondo and Michael C. made up, there was surprisingly low voltage drama from this bunch. I expected full out stabbing, but no. My crippling sadness came when Casanova was eliminated for this very beige, lady who lunches outfit. I don't care if he's making great fashion. I love Casanova! He wears turbans and genie shoes. He says funny things. He's like a Beanie Baby. How could they ever let him go after we've all bonded with him? He needs his own show--Casanova's Variety Hour. I will miss him, and his senior citizen Dubai pole dancer creations.

And here's your winning garment from April. Now, again, in a personality competition, April is the designtestant I most want to hang out with. She's quick, sarcastic, and curses like a truck driver. However, I am not at all crazy about this outfit as resort wear. It looks like a baby doll nightie with a Eurythmics strap treatment and granny pannies. Yes, pannies. Exactly what resort encourages this sort of dressing? I'm not sure. I was glad to see her take a challenge, but this doesn't get it for me.

Also, at last week's Fashion Week, all of the designers remaining on the show, including Casanova, got to show. You can see all of the final collections over at the TLo blog. I only look at them after the designer is eliminated from the show, because I don't want to ruin the surprise at the end. It kind of takes some of the thunder away from the final three though, doesn't it? The producers really need to get the timing down so this doesn't happen every season. The big joy is in getting to show at Fashion Week. If everyone gets to show. . . doesn't that steal some of the thunder? Esssssactly, as Casanova might say.

TV! Project Runway

Last week's episode of Project Runway had the highest ratings ever in all of Runway history! Is it because of the amazing garments being constructed? Of course not! It's because of the previous week's group challenge drama. See, like I've said before, we all love watching creative people crank out designs with ridiculous materials under unbelievable time constraints, fueled solely by gyros and egg drop soup, yes. But what we really love is unabashed, televised bitchery!

So, this week was a "real woman" challenge, where the designtestants had to rework dreadful bridesmaids dresses into something wearable. The dresses are up there, and they make me twitchy. I dropped out of being a bridesmaid once because I could not bear to wear the peach tafetta tuba-shaped dress with the sailor collar. The happy couple got divorced a couple of years later, absolving me of all guilt, right?

Also, I feel bad for the women in the "real women" challenges. TLo also mentioned this over on their blog. The professional models sign up for this gig, and are competing for a spread in Marie Claire magazine and maybe some money. These poor "real women" are just picked up somewhere because they were once forced to wear a really ugly dress they didn't choose at a formal occasion. Inevitably, there is talk about these ladies' shapes, sizes, personalities, and taste levels. I would not be in a hurry to sign up, would you?

Here is your winning dress, from Michael C. Yes, that Michael. The one that all of his team members from last week completely dismissed. They said he couldn't sew, design or perhaps stand upright without assistance. And he won this week. It was worth it just to see the looks on the faces of the other designers when he walked into the lounge and said he won. The only one who congratulated him was the divine Casanova. I actually preferred Mondo's design this week, but it was sweet to see Michael C. take it, just to watch people flip out. Drama over design every single time. I admit it.

And here is your losing dress, from the sassy Peach. Egads, this is bad. I kind of knew it was her time. She was fun to watch, and everyone seemed to love her. From her bifocals resting atop her head to her sweatshirt with sunglasses embroidered on it, she was precious. This dress looks like a wilted salad mix, doesn't it? Just so not cute. The girl walked the heck out of it, and the only compliment the judges could come up with was, "Her hair looks great." If you ever decide to become a future runway contestant, just say no to peplums. Or would the plural be pepli? Goodbye, Peach! We love you!

This week, the designers construct garments inspired by Mel Gibson's angry rants! Okay, I made that up, but, judging from the previews, there will be even more arguing, accusing and general misbehavior! As Tim Gunn would say, "Thrilling!"

TV! Project Runway Season 8 begins tonight

It's time for the new season of Project Runway, tonight from 9:00 to 10:30 on Lifetime. Yes, it's an hour and a half. They've killed off the Models of the Runway show. Debuting after PR is what sounds like a hoot of a show, On the Road with Austin & Santino, featuring two of our favorite Project Runway alumni, travelling the US to makeover women for special events. From what I'm getting, the two designers actually make the clothing for the makeovers. Who really cares what they're pretending to accomplish. These two are TV gold. The show will probably be silly, but the fun kind of silly.

Ah, I've missed Tim Gunn!

Project Runway! The Finale!

Yay for Jimmy Neutron. . . um, Seth Aaron. As soon as I saw the three collections at the finale, I was 99% sure he had it. What a nice guy, and what fabulous clothes. I've loved him since the start of the season. So, here are my four favorite looks from his show. They are yummy, yes?
A flowy parachute dress with patent leggings.

An unbelievably hot yellow plaid coat. Dangit, I love this coat.

A fab combo of tweed, polka dots and stripes, with a floof of shiny. Floof of shiny is a technical designing term.

How groovy is this coat? Seriously. I want this coat. I know, it's almost May, but I still want this coat!
So, to sum up Season 7: Much better than Seasons 5 and 6, not as good as Seasons 1-4. Sometimes, the judges seemed to be hitting the pipe, and I know I complained occasionally, but I so still love the show. And I love Seth Aaron. Let's hope he turns this win into an absolutely amazing career.

I'd like to see a PR reunion/design off of all of the people cut first and second in every season. Wouldn't that be fun? They're the ones we never saw much from, and they could be incredible designers who just bungled one challenge.

Project Runway! The Reunion Show!

*Note: This is about the only time that people smiled during this reunion show.

*Note Two: Yes, Seth Aaron has Jimmy Neutron's hair.

Okay, I'm not going to blog about the finale, because some people don't watch the show until it's available online Saturday. However, to all of those people and any other people out there, please spare the thirty minutes for the reunion show, and let me know what you think.

Here's my take on this lovely little program.

I have never in my life seen such unbridled nastiness and bitchery. I'm not afraid of bitchery. In fact, if done with a sense of humor, it can be pretty entertaining. However, this was just outright, blatant, mean-hearted bitchery, followed by hollow apologies, followed by Tim Gunn looking very uncomfortable. I think it upset his viscera.

Maybe it's the addition of the models into the whole reunion mix?
Thank God they don't serve alcohol before the reunion shows anymore, or this would have evolved into a hostage situation pretty quickly.

Project Runway! Oh, my senseless fury!

I have jokingly said before that I sometimes think that the Project Runway judges and I do not see the same garments on the runway. You know, that's probably at least a little bit true. These outfits probably do look different in person. Not that this attempt at reason excuses the big old load of crapola that was last week's Project Runway. Yes, I am cranky about this. I realize that it's just a reality television show. However, they already pulled the "We can't decide on a final three, let's string an extra person along for awhile just to yank his illusions, and then send his behind home for all the wrong reasons because we are Fashion Geniuses on Mt. Olympus."
Sorry, I was ranting like a ferret there for a second. Onward.
So, the two designers "Left To Fight It Out For A Chance To Show At Bryant Park" were Jay and Mila. Each had to choose three looks from their lines to show the judges. Above are Jay's three looks. Check out the gaiters or shin guards. Fierce, yeah? That little purple dress is yummy. Not crazy about the silver Starship Enterprise-esque top, but the black trousers there are impeccable. And that jacket in the third look made me drool with desire like a fashion perv.

Here are Mila's three looks. Twiggy tweedy yam-shaped coat in black and white, retro with a cowl. Cute little silvery spangle paillette dress, not ground-breaking, but sweet in a kind of Mod meets Flapper sort of way. Patchwork dress with startling giant houndstooth and mismatched stripes, with blanketie slanketie sort of gray yam-shaped wrap robe jacket. Is there anything new here? Am I missing it? Do you love these clothes? I just do not love these clothes. The more I look at them, the less I can find to love.

They sent Jay home. Mila won The Fashion Fight To The Death. Yeah, okay. The conspiracy theory is that this show is now on Lifetime, and viewers would be angry with an all male finale. Balderdash, I say. We're the same viewers the show always had, and we all just want the best three designers in the finale.

So, here are some ideas:

1. From here on out, if there are supposed to be three designers in the finale, don't do this absurd poo where you send four and crush one just before the big show. Even though they get to show anyway, as a decoy collection, it's just tacky.

2. Your viewers want to see two things: (a) good fashion from designers they have learned a bit about, and (b) drama. We all know it. Manufacture the drama, I don't care. I would like to know if Emilio is even more of a dirtbag than he seems after editing, because no one seems to love him. Tim seems to consider him one step above a vomit stain in the carpet.

3. More Tim Gunn! I don't care how, but more Tim Gunn!

4. Bring back the reunion show. I love it when this group of people who have backstabbed, slandered, and thrown each other under the proverbial bus gets together on a few big old sofas and chew on each other's. . . Oh, wait. The reunion show is this week? Yay!

Seth Aaron for the win!

Project Runway! Clown clothes

This is where you can curse my way too accurate with useless info memory. At least twice this season, Tim Gunn has (rightfully, I might add) warned designers against creating "clown clothes." Now we find out, this may have all been clever foreshadowing for last week's challenge: Make a garment inspired by Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey's Circus. Yay, clown clothes! Here is your winner, Emilio again. He deserved this one. It's a gorgeous dress, especially in comparison to what every other designer in the room made--strange mixtures of circus tents, Michael Jackson, and umwhathuh? Emilio's dress was gorgeously made, especially that bit at the waist where he sewed the stripes so that the white disappeared. He may end up winning the whole thing, whether we like him or not. I'm still pulling for Sweet Boy Seth Aaron.

And here is your losing look, created by Anthony, who was aufed a second time. This dress is a weird cross between Star Trek and Diana Ross circa 1981. I don't see a smidge of circus in it. As I said the first time Anthony was eliminated, he seems like a sweet and entertaining guy, and he has made some lovely garments. However, he's not good at adapting his style to these more unusual challenges.

Two designers were supposed to be eliminated on this episode. I was so shocked when the judges chose not to decide between Mila and Jay for the second aufing, and decided instead to advance four designers to the finals, with some sort of Design Off between Jay and Mila. Okay, I wasn't shocked at all. I was shocked the first time they did it in Season Three with Jeffrey and Michael, less shocked in Season Four with Chris March and Rami, and mildly aggravated in Season Five when it resulted in Jarrell not being in the final three. Now, it just looks like the judges can't make a decision and don't know what they're doing.

So, your final three are Seth Aaron, Emilio and either Mila or Jay. Unless they decide to bring Ping back for some reason. I hope they have to design a sheep suit or something as a surprise Bryant Park challenge next week. Make a wedding dress out of mulch. Make a hat inspired by Willie Nelson songs. Make a pair of flip flops that shoots confetti. Something.

Oh, and if you ever get a chance, visit the Ringling Brothers home the next time you're in Florida. It's a cool place.

Project Runway! Take your leave

Whoa, my fashionista-testant-watchers. Last week's Project Runway was almost as confusing as an episode of Lost! So, the challenge was to make a red carpet gown for Heidi. See, that seems pretty straightforward. It's a variation of a challenge they do every flipping season. However, then Maya suddenly left. The shots of the mannequin with her name on it, then the door, then the mannequin, with tense music, actually made me giggle. I can completely understand her reasoning. She is a talented designer, and it seems that the pressure and the criticism actually enlightened her to a point that she realized she wasn't ready for the competition. She'd been out of fashion school for about a month when the season started, and I can't imagine how difficult this situation must have been for her. So, good luck, Maya. You made some rocking stuff this season. Also, someone's model dropped out. People were just going in and out of the Parson's workroom door like it was the ladies room at Wal-Mart.

Here is the winning gown, from Emilio. It's a lovely gown. I'm still mad at Emilio from last week. No, I'm still mad at Emilio from the make a bikini out of dental floss and wing nuts challenge. Eh, whatevs, the dress is beautiful, and it's a perfect, sparkly, lean red carpet dress. There's no denying it, but that does not mean that he and I are friends.

Surprise! Here is your second winning gown from. . . surprise number two! Anthony! Who was ripped off a plane home to Alabama after his aufing and carted back in when Maya left. He's a great and loveable character. However, this dress does not translate to photos very well. It was lovely on the runway, and moved so well, but in pictures, it looks off-balance and badly constructed. That's a bit of a problem, because most Red Carpet dresses are judged by how they look in photos. Anyway, there were two wins this week, because guest judge Jessica Alba wanted to wear this dress, so it got to win? Or something. Yay for two wins?! Because this is the second time they've done it, and it feels a bit lame-o. Also, can I say that Jessica Alba was truly uninspiring as a guest judge? She made Nicole Ritchie look like Anna Wintour.

And here is your losing dress, from Jonathan. I love Johnathan, but this dress is suckatron. If you've watched this show as obsessively as I have, you can sometimes see when a designer, no matter how creative, talented and dear-hearted they might be, just hits the wall. Nothing they do is working. They're tired, they're frustrated and the judges keep saying mean stuff about their garments. Sometimes, the designer can rev up and drive right through the wall. Sometimes, the designer ends up with a tragedy like this. Jonathan reached that point where he was sure that the judges would hate anything he made that he loved. So, he made something he hated. They hated that, too. Jonathan has a sublime, sophisticated style, and I honestly appreciated his presence on the show. Sad to see him go.

Now we're down to five designers. Next week, two will be eliminated, and we'll know who the final three will be. Why do I think something convoluted is yet to happen? Predictions: Seth Aaron, Jay and possibly Emilio (ick) as the final three. Although, I hate to count out Mila, because the judges love her. Who knows? My fave all season has been Seth Aaron, so I'm cheering for him.

Bring back Jay McCarroll! Project Jay!

Project Runway! This post is not about Project Runway!

Project Runway made me mad last week. I yelled at the television, an act I usually reserve for basketball and certain news programs. I refuse to blog about it. It's personal.

So, here are some demotivational posters.